Why I recommend investing in your emotional wellness as a priority before investing directly in your physical, financial, and relational wellness?

Too often investments in our emotional wellness are the last to get our attention when setting goals and making investments in ourselves, yet our emotional wellness is often the driving force to the challenges we face. For most people, investments in your emotional wellness will impact your overall life and goals at a faster rate than investments in any other given area.

I’ll say it again, for most of us, our emotions end of being a driving force for many, if not most, of our decisions. While emotions are not inherently good or bad (they just are), if not properly felt, processed, and understood, they can lead to destructive long-term patterns, behaviors, and decision making and keep us from accomplishing long-term goals. Let me illustrate a few examples to solidify my point.

Physical Wellness

Many people struggle to improve their physical health and appearance over the long-term. One cause is a negative and unhealthy relationship with food which causes overeating or undereating and thinking that dieting is the answer. Another cause is from negative and unhealthy beliefs about self which causes an inability to establish an exercise routine or an active lifestyle and thinking that willpower and motivation is the answer.

These thoughts elicit emotions, and the emotions end up driving food consumption choices and decisions around developing a new habit causing discouragement and shame. The latest trend in physical coaching is to combine thinking/emotion management with food and exercise plans to increase the likelihood of accomplishing the long-term goal.

Don’t buy a diet plan. Don’t show up at the gym on January 1st thinking that you have discovered motivation and willpower. First, invest in your emotional wellness and get to the root of your relationship with food and physical activity.

Financial Wellness

Financial challenges are abundant. A common cause for struggling with saving for the future is a subconscious belief that money = happiness which can cause unhealthy pattern where we sacrifice what is most important to acquire more money and things only to find happiness didn’t come. Another cause is thinking our self-worth is tied to our social status and annual income which causes shame and then holds us back from being successful in the long-term when achieving our goals, especially after experiencing a small setback.

Again, these thoughts and beliefs elicit emotions, and the emotions end up driving our conscious and subconscious decision making. It can be difficult to change our financial habits without changing our thoughts and beliefs about money (many of which we picked up as children). We might also need to process past trauma that is subconsciously associated with our spending habits that continue to reinforce our behaviors.

Don’t beat yourself up about your past financial mistakes. Don’t work tirelessly thinking happiness is around the corner. Don’t go to the store and engage in retail therapy. First, invest in your emotional wellness and get to the root of your relationship with money and spending.

Relational Wellness

We all know that 50% of first marriage end in divorce – and the statistic around second and third marriages are worse. A common cause for intimate relationship challenges has to do with unhealthy and insecure attachment styles we developed as children which cause us to show up in our relationships with fear. This fear causes us to act anxiously or engage in avoidance. These behaviors create an unhealthy dynamic and environment for love, acceptance, and appreciation to foster real intimate connection. We avoid difficult and connecting conversations, nitpick our partner, seek out connection in unhealthy ways, or we might micromanage our partner, to name a few.

We must learn to understand and name emotions, learn of our inner child and critic, and become aware of our true needs in our relationship. To do this, it requires working on oneself.

Don’t blame your partner for their insecure attachment style and the impact it has on you hoping they will change. Don’t beat yourself up for your wounded inner child and critic and the way it causes you to show up in your relationship. Don’t allow yourself to avoid or anxiously engage in unhealthy patterns. First, invest in your emotional wellness and get to the root of your relationship with connection and intimacy and develop healthy personal boundaries so you can show up in a healthy way.

Summary

We all have real and valid reasons for why we show up the way we do. We all have real and valid reasons that developed our relationship with food, exercise, spending, saving, avoidance, and excess conflict. To overcome these challenges, we must make our unconscious conscious so unhealthy thoughts and beliefs do not elicit negative emotions and inadvertently sabotage our wants, wishes, and dreams. When we can master our emotions, the ceiling to what we can accomplish is unlimited.

Therapy will likely help you unlock the challenges you face so you get the results you seek in your life! I believe investing in your emotional wellness through therapy is the first step for most people. Personally, I wish I would have known this sooner!